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Archive for April, 2011

Caught is available on the Kindle!!

Friday, April 29th, 2011

Thanks To Randy Cleveland For His Boffo Cover

My book Caught is available on Amazon on the Kindle. Whoo-hoo!

Click here to buy the ebook!

More information to come!

I’m so excited!!!!

Hugs to all,


Janet’s Civics Test

Wednesday, April 6th, 2011

It has come to my attention that America is falling into a pit of stupidity and ignorance. To that end, I have developed the following test. Remember, this is only a test. Don’t feel badly if you fail miserably. I had to use Google to search for most of the answers.

1. Barack Obama is ______.

a)     The Anti-Christ.

b)    A Muslim.

c)     The president of the United States.

d)    The refrain from a popular song from the ’50s.

e)     A man born in a foreign country and snuck into the U.S. by al-Qaida.

2. Bank of America is ______.

a)     A bank.

b)    A criminal organization.

c)     A black hole where poor people’s money disappears.

d)    A place that charges you money for keeping your money.

e)     All of the above.

3. The Tea Party is ________.

a)     A group of people with many complaints, but no solutions.

b)    A performance by a male dancer in a gay bar.

c)     A group of white people who fear … uh, everything.

d)    A festive event involving cake and crumpets.

e)     All of the above.

4. Which of the following is (are) not in the Bill of Rights?

a)     Freedom of speech, religion and the press, and the right to assemble.

b)    Right to be protected from people who think differently than you.

c)     Right to have no single entity controlling a state’s water supply.

d)    Right to be protected from having to house soldiers of war.

e)     Right to wear white after Labor Day.

5. Which of the following people have not been president of the United States?

a)     Zachary Taylor.

b)    Chester Arthur.

c)     Archibald Leach.

d)    William Powell.

e)     Andrew Johnson.

6. Which of the following wars have been fought over oil?

a)     Operation Prime Chance.

b)    Operation Odyssey Dawn in Libya.

c)     The Iraq War.

d)    The Persian Gulf War.

e)     All of the above.

7. Which of the following statements are false?

a)     There is a toxic zone the size of Switzerland in Russia that surrounds the Chernobyl Nuclear Facility where no humans are allowed for the next 275 years.

b)    Newt Gingrich has his skin and hair artificially whitened with bleach.

c)     In 2007, Corporate CEOs earned 344 times the pay of the average worker. In 1961, CEOs earned 42 times the pay of the average worker.

d)    Sarah Palin was born in Canada.

e)     Rush Limbaugh is the stage name of William Cockburn. Born to a family of circus performers, Cockburn’s first stage appearance was in 1962. He rode on the trunk of an elephant during the opening act of the show.

8. Which of the following statements are true?

a)     Kazakhstan has a higher literacy rate than the United States.

b)    Most U.S. citizens have never heard of Kazakhstan.

c)     The U.S. has the highest crime rate of all the developed nations.

d)    The U.S. has the highest percentage of gun ownership in the world.

e)     The U.S. has the highest obesity rate in the world.

9. Which of the following is not a power of Congress?

a)     Promoting science and the arts by ensuring fair copyright laws.

b)    Promoting the agendas of large multi-national corporations.

c)     Ensuring that roads are built and maintained for the postal system.

d)    Declaring war on poor people.

e)     Outlawing the usage of biodegradable forks in the congressional cafeteria.

10. What’s the average net worth of a U.S. senator?

a)     3 million dollars.

b)    5 million dollars.

c)     10 million dollars.

d)    14 million dollars.

e)     20 million dollars.

11) What’s the net worth of the wealthiest U.S. senator?

a)     50 million dollars.

b)    75 million dollars.

c)     132 million dollars.

d)    175 million dollars.

e)     265 million dollars.


1)    Are you out of your freakin’ mind? C is the answer. He’s the president, you dopes. He was born in AMERICA. He’s an AMERICAN. And he’s CHRISTIAN. Sheesh.

2)    e. All of the above. Bank of America is a scourge and screwed my family out of 75 grand. And yes, I have proof. But not enough money to fight them.

3)    e. All of the above. Except the act the dancer performs is called “tea-bagging.”

4)    b, c, and e. But I really wish “c” were part of them. Multi-national corporations are buying up water rights everywhere. Beware!

5)    c and d. Archibald Leach was actor Cary Grant’s real name. William Powell starred in the Thin Man movies of the 1940s.

6)    e. All of the above. Actually most wars have been to “protect American interests abroad.” Amazing how “our” oil got underneath “their” sand.

7)    b, d and e. I wish “a” were false. I wonder how many Switzerland-sized pieces of land we’ll turn into dead zones here in America before we wake up and realize that nuclear energy is the most dangerous and stupid way we’ve developed to boil water. Hint: Don’t buy land in San Luis Obispo or San Diego.

8)    All are true. At least we can read the print on our boxes of Twinkies and ammo.

9)    All are powers of Congress. Well, maybe not technically, but these are still true, even though the fork issue is still being debated.

10) d. 14 bloody million freakin’ dollars. When the average net worth of an American citizen is $86,000. Yeah, these guys sure can relate to the rest of us.

11)  e. $265,629,996. Herb Kohl, a Democrat from Wisconsin, earned this in 2008. How’d he make all that money in freakin’ Wisconsin? And shouldn’t he be a Republican?

How did you do? Do you feel smart now? Stupid? Enlightened? Or overloaded?

I feel e) All of the above.

© 2011 Janet Periat

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