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A Corporate Fairy Tale

 WARNING: Political Humor Contained Within.

Note From Janet: While I used King George in this story, it just as well might be Queen Hillary or King John, (hopefully not but probably King Obama as well.)

Once upon a time, there was a magical fairyland called The United States of America. All of its people were happy, all of the leaders of the land were just, true and good. The king, a humble man named King George lived in a big white castle called the White House and ruled his land with kindness and compassion. His ministers who ran the kingdom were benevolent and caring. There was the Minister of Energy, Lord Exxon; the Minister of Food, Lord ConAgra; the Minister of Transportation, Lord Detroit Big Three; the Minister of Information, Lord Time Warner; the Ministers of Defense: Lord Halliburton and Lord Lockheed; the Minister of Health, Lord Pfizer; and the Ministers of Happiness, Lord Tobacco and Lord Alcohol. All the Lords cared deeply about their subjects. And everything was wonderful in the Kingdom.

One day, a small girl wandered into the White House on a tour and got lost. She walked the vast hallways of the Castle until she happened upon a large room where many white men sat around a huge table smiling and smoking cigars.

King George, who had been staring out the window, was the first to notice the little girl.

“Hey there, little girl, what are you doing here?” the king asked.

“I’m lost,” the little girl replied.

“Well, so am I most of the time. Hey guys, here’s a lost little girl, let’s take a break and talk to her. Might make for some good press, ay Lord Time Warner?”

Lord Time Warner nodded. “Little girls always make good press. What’s your name little girl?”

The little girl smiled widely. “My name is Truth.”

Lord Time Warner frowned. “Truth isn’t exactly a pretty name for such a pretty little girl. I, myself, hate the truth.”

All the Lords nodded their agreement.

King George was appalled. “Hey, she’s just a little girl with a terrible name. Probably had some hippie/commie/loser parents. Let’s cheer her up until our security detail gets here. I’ll bet she’s scared.”

“I am,” Truth said.

King George patted her on the head. “Your parents will find you, don’t worry, Truth.”

“I’m not worried about that,” she replied.

“Oh, no? Then what?” the king asked. “What could possibly worry someone as pretty and non-threatening-looking as you?”

“I’m worried about the polar bears. Their ice is melting and now they’re gonna dig for oil and ruin their home. They’re all gonna die.”

Lord Time Warner gasped, the king paled. All the Lords focused on the little girl.

Lord Exxon cleared his throat and said, “Now, now, who told you that lie? Why everyone knows that Polar bears hate the cold. They are thrilled that all that nasty ice is going away. And they love oil. They love to play in it, they love the oil rigs; why they even drink pure oil right from the ground—that’s why their eyes are so black and their coats are so shiny.”

The little girl nodded, relieved. “Oh, good. I was worried about that.”

All the Lords relaxed.

Truth frowned again. “But… the ice is going away then? So it’s true? Global Warming is happening?”

Lord Detroit Big Three’s face turned beet red, he began fanning himself. “No, no, it’s not happening. Nothing proven yet. And even if it is happening, India and China are causing it all. Not us. We’re good and just and true.”

All the Lords nodded their agreement.

Lord Time Warner said, “Global warming is a natural process of the earth. Now we may be getting a bit warmer, but you don’t like being cold, do you?”

“No,” Truth said.

“See?” Lord Exxon said. “Global warming is a good thing. Besides, this gives us the opportunity to exploit—I mean, develop other means of creating electricity. Like nuclear energy. It’s safe and wonderful with no waste.”

Truth shook her head. “I thought nuclear waste was toxic and they had no place to bury it anymore. That it had a half life of 50,000 years and they can’t get containers that last that long.”

King George’s jaw dropped. “Really?”

“No, no,” Lord Exxon assured the two. “Nuclear energy is wonderful. You like glow-in-the-dark toys, don’t you?”

Truth nodded. “Yeah, I do.”

Lord Exxon smiled. “Well, nuclear power plants make everything glow beautifully.”

“Oh, good,” Truth said.

King George smiled at the little girl. “You feel better?”

Truth said, “Oh, yes. I was told you rich white men didn’t care about the people.”

King George said, “Why, everything we do is for the people. Look what we’ve done for the people who’ve experienced disasters lately. We were right there for those unfortunate rich white people in San Diego who got burned out of their homes.”

“But what about the Katrina victims?” Truth asked. “I have an internet chat friend in New Orleans who still doesn’t have her house back. She says it’s because she’s poor and black.”

Lord Time Warner laughed and said, “Oh, honey, we’re color blind here, don’t you know that?”

King George nodded. “Yes, we are. We represent all the people.”

Truth examined all the faces sitting around the table. “But you’re all white men in this room. How come there aren’t two Latinos, half of you aren’t women and there isn’t a black person and an Asian in this room?”

Lord Halliburton pulled out his cell phone. “We’ve got a situation, here. Get security here, pronto.”

Lord ConAgra said, “Would you like a Happy Meal? They’re nutritious and good for you.”

Lord Alcohol said, “Get that little girl a drink.”

Lord Pfizer said, “Darling, I know just what you need. Some Zoloft. Let me get you a prescription.”

“But I don’t have any health insurance. I can’t afford Zoloft,” Truth replied. “But I can afford a Happy Meal and booze. But on TV they said that if I eat Happy Meals and drink I’ll get fat and will have to go on Weight Watchers because I won’t be able to fit into my Old Navy clothes.”

Six large men came bursting into the room.

King George pointed dramatically at Truth. “Off with her head!”

Later that day, Lord Time Warner issued these headlines: Assassination Attempt on King Thwarted: Truth Killed. Stocks Are Up. US Winning War In Iraq. Global Warming a Hoax. Oil-Drinking Polar Bears Caught On Film.

And everything was good in the magical fairyland and all of the people were safe, warm and happy. The End.

©2008, Janet Periat

P.S. I don’t do political humor very often, but stuff has been bugging me lately. Schools, our health care system, social services and roads are failing; our environment getting more and more polluted, our climate is getting unstable and no one in Washington seems to care. All they care about is pandering to their friends. I pray for a change. I really like this country and all the lovely people in it. We deserve better.

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2 Responses to “A Corporate Fairy Tale”

  1. Randy Says:

    Wry and well said.

    Rogers, Twain, and Thurber smile down upon you.

  2. Janet Says:

    Thanks, darling!

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