Dreams Do Come True

You never know when a goal will be accomplished. Normally, if you don’t accomplish it a few years from making it, you give up. But recently, I learned a lesson. Never stop trying, even if the goal was made when you were five. And even if the goal is silly. Recently, I took a trip to Reno with my cousin to satisfy not only my claw machine addiction, but my slot machine jones. I had no idea I would also be fulfilling a lifelong dream.

The day we arrived in Reno, we played some slots at Harrah’s where we were staying, then I headed over to Circus Circus to rescue some badly-sewn, deformed animals made in China from the claw machines (I went alone, my cousin is not a big arcade fan). For those of you not familiar with the Circus Circus casino, on the second level is a carnival midway, complete with ring toss games, pop-a-balloon games and the like, plus circus acts every hour all under a fake big top. Along with many claw machines.

On ten bucks I ended up with ten animals. Not bad odds, considering it was fifty cents a throw. However, this still wasn’t enough to satisfy my needs.

So on Day Two, I returned to Circus Circus. A a small bar adjacent to the entrance to the midway was open. I’d noticed it before, but it was only open on the weekends and I normally travel to Reno during the week. This small bar offered “Party Yards” full of either frozen strawberry daiquiris or lime margaritas. Since I was on vacation and had never bought myself a giant frozen alcoholic beverage, it seemed like a good idea. I ordered a margarita, the reasoning being fake lime flavor is normally less barfy than fake strawberry flavor. I forgot about my body’s natural aversion to tequila.

The bartender took a mix that came in a milk carton and partially filled up a “Party Yard” which is a long plastic glass with a beaker-like bottom and a tall skinny tube on top. Top to bottom it’s about 15 and ½ inches tall (talk about gross misrepresentation in advertising). He added two shots of a slightly amber liquid and one shot of a clear liquid. The bartender had clearly been instructed to turn the bottles away from the customer so the labels could not be read. Because they probably had a skull and crossbones on them, labeled “Cleaning Fluid” and “Poison”. Then he hit the button on this giant ice-crushing gizmo that dumped ice shavings into the “Party Yard”. He stuck a cover on it—complete with a two-foot-long straw stuck through the center—and handed it to me. All for the bargain price of $8.75.

Thrilled with my giant drink, I eagerly took a draw off my margarita. I nearly gagged. It tasted like limeade made with 20 cups of sugar mixed with tequila-flavored battery acid. I took a second draw to determine if it was really that bad. It was. At this point a wise voice in my head said, “Throw this away, Janet.” And as I normally do with the wise voices in my head, I ignored it. Besides, by the fourth sip, the alcohol hit. And as with all rot gut, it hit HARD.

At this point, the claw machines took on a new level of difficulty. I only got four for my allotted five bucks and one of them was a hideous Mr. Burns from the Simpsons. Also at this point—despite my loss of motor skills—I realized that I really liked my margarita. My margarita was my friend. A symbol of letting loose, of a great vacation. Like my own personal billboard that proclaimed “Party on, dudes!” Or more likely, “I have no taste and questionable judgment!”

I wandered by a game of knock-down-the-beach-balls-floating-on-a-cushion-of-air-with-a-beanbag. I won a stuffed bear on one throw and missed with the second. This plus my less-than-stellar achievements on the claw machines told me it was time to go. I worked my way back to the entrance. The last midway game I passed had giant prizes meaning the odds of winning were nearly impossible. But I had my Party Yard and playing one of these impossible games seemed like a great idea (kind of like the initial Party Yard idea).

The game consisted of a table filled with upright Coke bottles with a single red Coke bottle in the center. The prizes were giant stuffed bears, huge stuffed sharks and little foot-long stuffed flowers. I assumed the smaller prizes corresponded to the clear Coke bottles and the big stuffed animals went with the red Coke bottle in the middle. Object of the game was to throw a small, three-inch wooden ring over the top of the bottle. Ten rings for a dollar or twenty-five for two bucks. Since throwing around some wooden rings sounded like fun, I went for twenty-five rings. I’ve played this game at least once a year since I was five and have never won a damn thing. But fueled by the Party Yard, I decided I’d just have fun throwing the rings around. Reality at this point was rather fuzzy, anyway, and my vision wasn’t so great. But what did it matter? Throw the rings!

I threw the first ring and it landed on top of a clear Coke bottle. I blinked. The ring was still there. The girl running the game said, “I’ve never seen anyone do that before.” She removed the ring and I kept aiming for the red Coke bottle in the center. I missed the remaining 24 throws. I finished and waited for her to hand me the stupid stuffed flower. She indicated the giant stuffed animals hanging above us and asked, “Which one do you want?” I looked at her, stunned. “Are you sh**ing me?” (Thanks to the Party Yard, I’d lost my Swearing-In-Public-Filter.) She said no and gestured towards these GIANT stuffed animals.

Now extremely stunned, I happily chose a giant blue shark. Tip to tail, it’s nine feet long. Luckily it’s in the shape of a comma so it only stands five feet tall. Still, the thing is GARGANTUAN. And I had to carry it—along with my Party Yard and other stuffed animals—back to Harrah’s, which was three casinos plus two blocks away.

Giddy with victory, I hoisted the shark over my shoulder and began my trek back to my room. I caused quite a scene. Probably because I was giggling madly during the entire journey and told anyone who made eye contact with me “Hey, I may not be winning on the machines, but I won me a giant stuffed shark!” People were VERY amused (and not just by my use of bad English). That walk back to my hotel was some of the most fun I’ve had in years. Even the homeless drunks in the gutters greeted me with happy cheer.

When I finally arrived at Harrah’s, a security guard stopped me halfway to the elevators. With a serious expression he said, “I’m sorry ma’am, but we don’t allow sharks in here.” Then he burst out laughing. The rest of the night, I was the Shark Lady. Even without the shark.

What was even funnier was trying to fit the damn thing into my cousin’s Prius for the journey home.

The only bad thing about my fun evening was the hangover that hit at two o’clock in the morning and lasted for the following 48 hours. The Party Yard giveth (giant stuffed sharks), the Party Yard taketh away (umpteen brain cells). Of course it could have been the two beers and Cosmopolitan that followed. Whatever, I suffered almost as much as after the infamous Chippendale’s Night of Debauchery from 2005. You’d think by now, I’d have figured out how to avoid a hangover. Apparently not. At least now I have a new tool in my arsenal to fight hangovers: no more Party Yards.

Still, as I gaze at the gargantuan stuffed shark that now dominates my living room, I giggle. Not only is the thing hugely ridiculous, winning it was a great lesson for me. If I want something, all I have to do is try. If I keep trying, eventually I will succeed. I just never know when it will happen.

I also learned another very important lesson: stop making goals about acquiring things that don’t fit in the house. Sorry full-size replica of Robby the Robot, you just got taken off the list.

©2009, Janet Periat

Tags: arcade claw machines, awards, dreams, giant stuffed animals, lifelong goals, tequila

This entry was posted on Thursday, July 23rd, 2009 at 10:03 pm and is filed under Humor Column. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Responses are currently closed, but you can trackback from your own site.